Here's the scoop.

So, my father-in-law has lung cancer. It's a stage 3 squamous cell carcinoma of the lung. It has spread to his lymph nodes and his neck. He begins a 7-week intense combination of chemo and radiation (chemo for the lymph nodes, radiation for the mass in his lung) and then they'll reevaluate how he's responding to treatment. The doctors seem to think they can shrink this down far enough that they can possibly go in and remove parts of the mass.

He has developed pneumonia in the same lung the mass is located in and because the fluid is filled up behind the mass, he is literally only using his right lung to breathe. I was very concerned about this, but the doctors don't seem to be. I guess since I'm not a medical doctor, I should let the professionals do their job. I am worried that they're not really doing anything about the pneumonia. I guess time will tell.

As for me, I'm doing fine. I haven't been tracking my calories, but I'm still going to the gym 3-4 nights a week and getting a good 500-700 calorie burn. I'm not gorging, but I'm not cutting way back. I'm trying to live my life.

I was trying the calorie count thing on myfitnesspal, but I wasn't seeing any changes when I was tracking. This last week, I haven't tracked and tried to just be mindful and I'm down almost two pounds.

I don't seem to fit what works for other people. So I'm trying to just live my life without so many numbers (except weight) attached to it. I was almost getting anxiety with calculating calories I've eaten. I do still wear my HRM to track how many calories I burn. I always like to know what kind of a workout I get.

So, that's where I am. I'd still like to lose 30 by my 30th birthday. With my husband's dad, I don't know if the Vegas trip is in the cards. We have a new roof to be looking at as well as some possible car repairs to be made. That bums me out, but what can I do? I'm still crossing my fingers that we might be able to eek this trip out.

Things I love...

Back in college, I hated this day. In fact, a few of my friends and I tagged it as "V" Day (think "D" day) because we were single and miserable on this day.

Now that I'm married and have been for five years, I still don't get overly excited about today. Why for one day out of the year must you proclaim your love?!?! It should be EVERY day!

I digress...

Since I've been a crappy poster of late (more on that later), I thought I'd try to be a little light-hearted and make a list of things I just plain love...

-My husband, of course. He pushes me to always be healthier and more active. He loves me unconditionally and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for him.

-My parents. I can't say enough about the support they've given me through my life. They've helped me through some very hard times and helped me celebrate during the great times. I'm biased, but they are the best parents ever.

-My brother and sister. While we had our riffs growing up (who doesn't?!), I admit they're pretty cool. They've blessed me with nephews (and a step-niece) and as adults, I appreciate our relationships.

-My nieces and nephews. I love them all....Derek, Andrew, Jordan, Whitney, Anabella, and Zander. Since having kids of our own isn't going to happen in the near future, I get my baby/infant/toddler/child fixes on a regular basis!!!

-My cat. Herky's my kid right now and he loves his mommy. My husband says our cat loves me more than him and that shows every night when Herky cuddles up with me on the couch and leaves my hubby out in the cold!!!!

-Music. It motivates me. It moves me. It makes me smile. It brings back memories. It rocks (pun intended).

-Pizza. Sorry. No way around it. I could eat this stuff every single day for the rest of my life.



I'm sure there are others...but this is what comes to mind now.

Take some time and show some love today....maybe even to a stranger. Random acts of kindness do amazing things.

When life throws you lemons....

...you eat them. At least that's what I've done.

I was doing so good last week. And then on Friday, we learned that my husband's dad has a golf ball-sized mass in his left lung. To make a long story short, we had him in the ER a few weeks ago. The initial X-Ray came back clear, but the doctor wanted him to do more testing. He has lost 30 pounds in 6 months, is weak, isn't eating well, and in the last month, his voice has become very hoarse. He also admitted he's been coughing up blood. It turns out the mass is putting pressure on the nerve that works his vocal chords and one of the vocal chords isn't moving. This is causing his hoarse voice and also, he has trouble eating chunks of things as that chord doesn't cooperate when swallowing.

Today, he has additional scans so that they've scanned from his head to his pelvis. On Wednesday, he will be put under and has a biopsy done. On Friday, we'll get the results. My husband and I have researched and prepared ourselves for the worst-case scenario in hopes that it's better news that we get. My husband and I are both taking off work in the afternoon to be with his parents.

So, if you have an extra minute and can put in an extra prayer, it would be greatly appreciated.

Unfortunately, I've treated this pain with food. I missed my workouts Thursday and Friday last week (Thursday because my sister-in-law had her baby and Friday because of the news we've received). I haven't tracked my food in a week.

This week, I will workout Monday-Thursday. I'm saying maybe Friday because depending on the news, we may be with his family Friday night. And that's where I should be.

My goal this week is to get a grip on my food intake. Consoling yourself with food is not okay. I recognize that which is part of the battle, but I need to do something about it.