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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'....

Well, the busy part isn't hard for me, so guess I'm not dying anytime soon!

I do well on my days off of class, watching calories and working out and then my three days I travel to class, it doesn't go as well. Although, I did go on a 50 minute walk with my hubby tonight. We walked through a gigantic cemetery that's about 5 minutes from our house. I know, some people would think it's freaky, but they have great roads through it with some worked for tonight!

Tomorrow's my last day of commuting. Hallelujah!!!! I've got to get going full hog (no pun intended) on this thing. This isn't funny anymore, that's for sure. I turn 28 next week and our three year wedding anniversary is the week after. I'm 15 pounds away from what I weighed on our wedding day, and I know I'm about 10 pounds away from what I was last year. Ironic thing was that I promised on here that I would weigh that much next year....see how well that one worked.

Don't give up on me....

Monday, June 21, 2010

Mixed Feelings

Okay...this isn't totally health related. Rather a vent that I can't do on FB or really anywhere else, so here it goes.

My husband got a call from his brother tonight saying that we're going to be aunt and uncle in January. They've been married five years and have been trying to get pregnant ever since. My sister-in-law is the same age as me. They have financial, slight trust, and other issues I won't get into. They both make good money, but don't know how to save. I could go on and on.

Now, this will be the third time I'll be an aunt as my sister and brother both had babies last year. That didn't bother me. For some reason, this does. This will be the first grand baby on my husband's side.

So, what does this all have to do with me? Well, here it goes. One, I'm too overweight to get pregnant. I weigh almost 240 and I refuse to let myself get pregnant at this weight. I want to at least be under 200, as does my husband. Working on it....slowly.

Two, I have a year and a half of grad school left, and I don't want to have a baby until I'm finished.

Three, my husband has a year left of school and then will be left to look for a K-8 PE teaching job in this crappy economy and low budgets in schools time.

Four, I'm pursuing my degree in Principalship. If I choose to become a principal, will I even be able to have a baby? I mean, I will, but being a principal requires a lot of time. I don't know that I ultimately want to pursue it, but to be honest, the further into my program I get, the more interested I get.

Five, I'm scared even trying to get pregnant. I've had woman issues since I was 16 and I don't even know the possibilities of getting pregnant. There's a chance I may have PCOS, but we won't know until we actually try. Of course, losing weight would help.

I guess I just don't know where I stand with the whole baby thing. Part of me is jealous of my sister-in-law and wants it to be me. Part of me thinks I'll never have a baby. Part of me wonders if I really do want a baby.

I'm just in a weird mood. Doesn't help that my monthly visitor will be coming in a few days. I guess right now, I just have the feeling I'll never be a mother. And I don't really like it.

I'm starting to wonder if that's why I haven't worked harder to lose weight....

Okay, rant done. Thanks for listening.

Monday, Monday...

Exercise: 50 minutes Tae-Bo

Eating confession: I had Arby's drive-thru for lunch. I will compensate calories for dinner.

Thoughts: I'm happy to be getting active again. I should have just went home and grabbed a sandwich rather than Arby's. You live and learn.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Starting Over

Weight: 239.2 pounds

Body Fat: 39.7%

Exercise: 35 minutes Tae-Bo

Thoughts: Here I go again for about the 30th time in my life for the quest of a healthier life. I know I'm busy, but I'm not comfortable in my own skin. When that happens, it's time to do something about it. Back to logging what I eat (at least privately), exercising at least 30 minutes daily, ramping up my water intake, and making better food choices all around. It's not going to be easy, but I've got to work on this. No more excuses.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm here

I'm here. I'm just not active. I could give you the excuse that I'm in summer school for my master's. I could give you the excuse that I'm coordinating my school's summer reading program. I could give you the excuse that my sinus/allergy/cold crap is still around and finally went to the doctor to be put on an antiobiotic and steroids to tame it down.

I feel like crap. I'm not active (unless you call a once a week, half-assed attempt of working out active). I'm eating okay. Seriously hasn't been too bad, but I will say that we've eaten out for dinners 4 out of 7 days (hello fat, sodium and calories).

I want to push pause. I want to be active. I leave at 7 AM and drive an hour to class. There until 1:30 PM (hello, college....lunch, please?). Get a drive thru sandwich on the drive home. Get home around 3:00 PM. Get mail, spend small amount of time with husband and cat. Get dinner ready, eat. School work for three hours. When 10 PM rolls around, I'm spent.

I need some help...suggestions?? I did well tonight with food. Made some steaks on the grill. Instead of having macaroni salad like my husband did, I cut my steak up and had a big salad with it. Got my veggies in. I miss walks with my husband. I miss working out daily. The weather hasn't helped as it has rained 6/7 of the past days. Tomorrow is dry but then rain again for the next WEEK. That sucks. Can't get out on our bikes or go for walks.

If you have suggestions, please leave a comment. Thanks :)