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Saturday, January 7, 2017

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

So, it's been over three years since I've posted to this blog.  A lot has happened in three years!  I am in my second year of being the principal at my elementary school building.  I served as assistant principal for three years, but I am essentially doing the same duties I was before.  We are in the midst of building a brand new building to replace our ever-aging one, so that's exciting!

My hubby and I sold our tiny house I bought as a single woman during my first year of teaching and moved into a more spacious house in a much better neighborhood.  We've been here a little over two years and could be happier with our move!

We still have our rambunctious tabby, Herky.  He is eight years old and feisty as ever!  We hope he has many more years left in him as he is our kid.

Speaking of which, we still do not have any children.  It's a love/hate thing we're dealing with.  In July, we will be married 10 years and I will turn 35.  That age seems to be the magic number where doctors start to scare you if you become're suddenly an "at risk" pregnancy purely due to your age.  Here's the thing.  I still want a child.  But I'm struggling with career versus personal life. As a principal, the expectation and duty is for you to be present at all school events, day or evening.  There were a few weeks where I wasn't home before 8:00 PM every night except Friday.

Now, granted, my hubby as a PE teacher doesn't have the lengthy hours I do.  But I also don't feel it is fair for him to essentially be a single father while I do my principal obligations.  I have talked to some administrators who have had babies after taking their job and while they say it can be difficult to balance that time, you figure it out.  Priorities change some and how and when you manage things make it all work.  That does give me hope.

We are still holding off for a couple of reasons.  Last year for spring break, we went to Cancun for the week and did nothing but lay by the pool and on the beach.  It was the best week I've ever experienced.  No deadlines, no emails, no phone calls, no pressure.  We immediately decided that we would do it again this year.  With that begin said, the Zika virus still lurks out there.  We are going again this year and have had it booked for months.  I plan to go and not have a care in the world.  Mosquitoes were a non-issue there last year (the hotel zone is very much concrete and beach, not to mention there is quite the breeze that time of year).  We didn't see or feel a single bug.  I expect much of the same this year.  Nevertheless, we're still being precautionary.

Another reason and the reason I originally started this blog is my weight.  I'm utterly ashamed to admit that I weigh more now than I ever have.  A whopping 267 pounds to be exact.  Twelve years ago, I was at 260 and went through a devastating engagement breakup, depression and awakening and lost 46 pounds.  Since November of 2015, my weight has gone up and down from 214 to where I am now.  I've gotten back down as low as 225 but over the last three years, it's been a steady climb.  And I could have given two shits less.

Today, I went to get measured for a bridesmaids dress for a wedding this September.  Now, I know bridal sizes measure wonky, so I had no expectations.  I still am somehow able to wear a size 18 jeans, but would probably wear a 20 more comfortably.  Well, based on my measurements today, I had to order a size 26 dress.  Yes....2-6.

My heart dropped to my feet.  How could I left myself go this far?

I've had a FitBit since July and while I wear it daily, I only half-ass its usage with recording food.  Also, I haven't regularly exercised in years.

On January 1st, I recorded my weight as 267.2 pounds.  I set recording goals for 10 weeks from then which is March 12th, the day we leave for Mexico.  Problem is, I didn't set an actual goal.  I drew a box around the date.

Well, now it's one week in and I weigh 267 pounds as of this morning.  Loss of 0.2 in a week.  I exercised twice, once being today.  It's incredibly depressing how out of shape I am.  Tonight, I put in a 45-minute Tae Bo video that I used to do with little sweat.  Today, I made it through 30 minutes before I had to stop.  That's tough to swallow.

Now that this has turned into a novel, I will close this post.  I plan to post daily here if nothing else, for myself.  I have got to get my shit together.  For my future baby, for my students, for my husband, but most of all and something I'm trying to get through my thick skull, for ME.  I am putting myself in a plethora of health dangers going in the direction I am.  I have seen way too many people lose their life too early.  I need to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen to me.

The journey begins....again.

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